On Winning in Player Unknown’s Battlegrounds.


There’s 15 of us left now. I’m well placed in the middle of the increasingly cramped map. I go prone, because being crouched at this point would be suicide; an invitation for someone to blow my brain out of my nose.

I begin my slow crawl forward, hoping to remain unseen. To my astonishment, there’s someone running next to me. He’s closer to me than I am to my keyboard but…he doesn’t see me. I guess I’ve got Autorun to thank for this minor miracle. With a short press on my mouse, he’s dead. 10 left. 9 Left. 8 Left….

There’s 5 of us now. I can see one guy on the hill directly in front of me. He’s hiding behind a tree. He doesn’t see me. I’m way too nervy to hit him from this range so I hold fire. And then it begins, the shoot-out to end all shoot-outs. Gun fire from all directions; I’m waiting for death. It doesn’t come. 3 left.

I take aim at the poor bastard hiding behind a tree on the hill ahead, he still doesn’t see me. More gunfire. This time however I see it. A shot hits the poor bastard but doesn’t end him. He fires back. Still 3 left. Poor bastard is holding his own, the new guy has him pinned. Neither see’s me. I crawl some more.

I see my chance to end it. And in classic Dan Holt fashion…I blow it. I miss Poor Bastard completely, but thankfully New Guy takes him out for me. The only problem, New Guy knows my position because of my wet fart of a shot.

I’ve fucked it at the final hurdle once again. Of course I have. This is why I can’t have nice things. Why I’m working a shitty  job and why I’ll never be happy. I’m a loser, a failure…a nobody.

And yet……………he hasn’t fired yet. Why hasn’t he fired yet?

No. Surely not. He’s got me in his sights right? He’s going to end me as #2 for the second time in my PUGB career right?

Why hasn’t he fired yet?

Maybe….Could he be the loser, the failure…? The one who’s about to blow it all? Still no shot.

I stay still. I’m in the zone. Safe. I aim down my sights and take a shot. I hit him, but as is the way in this game, I don’t kill him. That’ll have to come later.

He knows now where his end will come from. He’s trying desperately to evade my shots. He jumps, runs, dodges; anything to delay what looks to be inevitable. I’m still shooting wildly; desperate to bring him down. This is my moment. I will not be denied.

And then the screen went dark; the game over.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner. I’d won.

And I was granted my favourite moment in video games…. ever. I threw my hands into the air, turned to my significant other whilst shouting ‘Yesssssssss’ and watched as her eyes grew as wide as my own.

I’m the fucking Player Unknown’s Battlegrounds Champion. Come at me.


The thing about winning in Battlegrounds is this. As much as it meant to me, It was just one round of the game. 5 minutes after I’d done patting myself on the back I was once again jumping out of a plane, searching for the perfect landing spot. For all my excitement and my new-found sense of ‘getting it’, I died pretty quickly. Another top 50 finish for me.

And who knows, maybe I’ll never win another round again, maybe I’ll win the next one I play. It doesn’t really matter, because now I know that no matter how average I am going forward, I’ve got this one in my back pocket. And as cheesy as it is to say, they can’t take it away from me.




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